Written by Frosty Rose

Ah, June. The season of slow days, swimming pools, camping and chasing fireflies. Idyllic school-free days full of smores, popsicles and ice cream.

Unless you’re in Mary Kay. This self-declared bastion of work-life balance, of God First, Family Second, and Career Third, takes a holiday not from hard work but rather from its so-called commitment to its sacrosanct priorities in June. Why, you ask? Well, because June 30 closes out the Seminar (read: fiscal) year for Mary Kay, so consultants are driven harder than ever in pursuit of cars, trips, diamonds, and recognition, all of which adds up to a whole heap of nothing except corporate profits.

Nsd Emeritus Linda Toupin, who leveraged her MK influence to vault her daughter into the top three directors in Ruby Seminar, went on the warpath from mid-May to late June every year, preaching about “No Sex No Supper” June.

The idea was that during June, all consultants should be working tirelessly to finish off their goals. They should be at Mary Kay “parties” every night of June, with no thought of cooking supper for their families. Energy for intimacy with the hubby? Nope! Ain’t nobody got time for that! You’ll be exhausted from working your “business” so hard all day, every day. And, he’ll be so thrilled with the extra money you’re bringing in that you’ll hear no complaints from him. Never mind the tiny little detail that you’ll spend every cent you bring in, and then some, trying to boost your contest points and your nsd’s commission check.

Innocent bystanders, beware. You’ll be unable to set foot in a Target or grocery store this month for fear of being accosted by overdressed, poorly made-up, bejeweled consultants on the hunt for fresh blood, er… warm chatting “sharp” women to whom they can offer their products (overpriced and mediocre) and services (makeup advice from someone who was on the cutting edge of fashion in the late 80’s).

The pressure is real in Mary Kay in June, even if the prizes aren’t so much. Consultants will be working for real diamonds! (Like, OMG, y’all, they’re giving me a real diamond just for working my business! Does your job give you diamonds just for doing your job??) But former directors and consultants here on Pink Truth have repeatedly reported that these are what jewelers call “spit diamonds” and not worth the trouble it takes to sell them when the time comes to quit and face the mountain of credit card debt you’ve created.

Seriously, though, no actual business works this way. They work themselves silly in June, run more sales than usual (and that’s a lot!), burn through all their leads, exhaust all their prospects, offer anything and everything to get everyone to sign on the dotted line (and hand over their credit card) by June 30, all for some fake accolades and social media “miracles.”

But where does that leave you on July 1? Starting from absolute scratch. Your customers who still support you ordered enough to cover their needs until September or later because of the sales you ran. Anyone who had any chance of joining your team did so. You have no new leads to book facials and parties because you called them all already. Repeatedly. But the hamster wheel keeps turning, and you’ll have to “find a way, make a way” despite all these self-inflicted obstacles. On the other hand, most real businesses prefer to do everything they can to smooth some of the natural ebbs and flows of retail purchasing. Or, at the very least, they match wholesale ordering to retail sales, a concept totally foreign in Mary Kay.

But not to worry, July brings Seminar in all its glory. And because she’s so quippy, Linda Toupin has a motto for that, too. The only reasons to miss Seminar are “death and dilation” and those can’t be pre-planned, so everyone should be registered and plan to go. Kid birthday? Just celebrate a different day, they don’t care!

I once saw Kristin Sharpe recognize her kid’s birthday from the stage—I’m sure that was much more impactful than actually being there for their milestone… Seminar falls during your anniversary? Not to worry, just bring your husband along! There are so many activities for spouses, and you’ll finally be able to really get him on your team! You’ll be heavily pregnant? It’s fine! The hospitals in Dallas are great! Just ask Pam Shaw, who was crowned Queen of God-only-knows-what inside a Dallas hospital immediately after giving birth, a spectacle recorded and shown to the thousands of attendees, to demonstrate what real commitment to your “business” looks like.

This all sounds like the perfect example of a company that cares about its employees, er… independent contractors and their personal life balance over its own profit margin. Not.