Mary Kay Guilt Trip
Written by Sad In Pink
Guilt and shame are two of the most powerful manipulative tools in the tool box of MLMs and especially Mary Kay. It is one reason so many women stay in the company and find it difficult to leave.
The thought of “who am I going to let down if I leave” can be strong enough to keep us in a holding pattern when we know we should go.
At the very beginning of my MK career, I came in to have fun and use the products. It was my third go round with MLM, but I thought Mary Kay was different. After all, I was told it was “dual marketing.” not multi-level marketing. I bought into that thinking even though my husband informed me that there was no difference. The “guilt trip” for me did not begin until I started to attend weekly meetings as an adoptee. It was there that I quickly learned about recognition. Those who did not bring guests, recruit someone, or order enough to be a star did not receive the time of day let alone recognition. So I jumped on the bandwagon to prove that I was no slacker.
As I moved up the ladder of success, I found more and more pressure beginning to be added to my plate at each conference I attended. The goals got tougher and things were said like: “God wants you to be great” or “God doesn’t give you a dream that He doesn’t give you the ability to achieve.” This played into my psyche since I am a Christian. Certainly I didn’t want to let God down.
So when I began to have difficulties as a Sales Director making production, I began to look at myself and say, “What’s wrong with me? I must be a bad leader. I don’t see anyone else struggling like this so it must be me.” I even began to question whether my spiritual life was okay because God was not blessing me the way I saw others blessed. Do you see how guilt can be destructive? I began to lose confidence in my ability as a leader, so I worked over time to prove I was successful. Little did I realize that it was a failed system – not me – that kept me from achieving my dreams.
A more subtle method of applying guilt comes through an hierarchy mentality in this company. You are NOBODY unless you are in the top ten as a consultant, red jacket or director. At each level, unless we stand out, we do not get the praise, recognition, or assistance we desire. Who wants to feel left out? Yet, all you have to do is go to seminar or some banquet and sit there all evening long while others are lauded and you don’t even get a nod. Somehow, I was told that in Mary Kay we were “praised” to success. Where was the praise and recognition for at least helping to support the whole pyramid? I had that thought from the time I was a consultant all the way through directorship.
Over and over again we are told to be a “team player”… meaning order up and churn women as recruits. If we fail to do this, we don’t get phone calls from our director or those upline from us. The silence is all the guilt we need. We are also told that this business is simple. Just book, coach, sell and recruit. If we do this consistently 3+3+3, we can write our own ticket to success. So the implied message is… if you cannot do this, it is your own fault. You didn’t work hard enough, or work the numbers enough. The reality is much different. 99% do not succeed in any MLM. 99% fail in Mary Kay. I didn’t know that or realize it so for a long time I kept running as hard as I could to make it work. I appeared outwardly successful but inside, the guilt was piling up.
When I finally could no longer take the emotional roller coaster, I resigned. However, I felt a lot of shame. I felt as though I had let a lot of people down. I think this is the reason that keeps many from leaving Mary Kay sooner. You see, I did not know that there were others out there asking themselves the same questions and dealing with guilt too. We are told not to be negative or to even talk with those who question. Yet that is mental suicide. Why would a smart woman not ask questions? We should and we must!
Let me close with this example. In a recent call to red jackets, a NSD told her people to get the prize booklet for the new quarter out and show it to her children. Let them see the beautiful pink piano for children in the flyer. Tell them that you are going to win this for them with your business. This will help you set a goal.
Can you see the manipulation in something like this? How would you feel if you didn’t order enough to get that prize for your child? How would your child feel? Things like this are said all the time in Mary Kay to make us dance to a certain tune. Guilt and shame often keep people trapped in a sick, dysfunctional relationship for decades. These two tools can also keep women from leaving a business that does not work. We need to recognize that we do not have to please or answer to any company or upline. The guilt and shame are false and based on greed, envy and power. None of these bring out the best in any of us. In a true business opportunity, we would be trained on how to sell the product, encouraged at every level and not made to feel spiritually inferior if we do not hit a goal.
This summer don’t take “the Mary Kay Guilt Trip” . Take a real vacation and leave Mary Kay behind!
Visit the
The irony in all of this is that in real businesses, folks are recognized for accomplishments that are good for the company, the customer AND the employee.
In Mary Kay, the quickest way to recognition is to order WAY more product than you can ever sell or use (the more the better!) and to recruit a downline to do the same. This is very good for corporate profitability and for your upline, but terrible for you and your downline. All of this is not only bad for the individuals financially, but it creates gross oversupply in the market, making it nearly impossible to retail the products, even below cost, which hurts the entire sales force.
The behaviors that are rewarded in MLMs like Mary Kay have nothing to do with retailing the products, and are thus nonsensical to a proper business owner. From the outside, it is so easy to see the exploitation. It takes some seriously manipulative marketing to attract recruits by putting lipstick on this pig.
MK has had decades to fine tune the manipulation, and Sad in Pink captured it well.
“The reality is much different. 99% do not succeed in any MLM. 99% fail in Mary Kay.”
And of the 1% that “succeed” only a fraction of that 1% actually make anything approaching a reasonable income/actual profit level.
So, in reality it’s .01% that “succeed” in MK. The other 99.9% of the ‘sales force’ is paying for the “success” .01%.
“Where was the praise and recognition for at least helping to support the whole pyramid?”
YES.
One thing they continually tried to guilt us with in retail is “without the customer, you haven’t got a job” which both the store and the crap customers interpreted as “I/they get to treat you like garbage and you have to suck it up because paycheck.” Coupled with Dilbertian management that would not only back up the customer but tear you down in front of them, years of being treated as less than just because I was standing behind a cash register took its toll on my mental health.
Eventually, however, I came to see it in a new light, namely “without the floor staff, where are your customers?” If I’m not there to ring up the customer, or answer the phone only to be asked if I know what short-sleeved shirts are (yes, some nitwit actually asked me that) where is your profit? If I walk off the floor because some talking dog turd calls me an idiot to my face, is the assistant store manager who thinks she’s better than me going to come and take it instead?
If you’re in SadInPink’s position where you want to leave but are facing the guilt and shame being heaped on you by your upline, try to think of it a new way. They don’t hold the power – YOU do. You’re holding up the pyramid, and when you let go it will come crashing down on their heads. Without their downline, they have no unit, no title, no jacket, no car, no commission. They know this, and it scares them, and to disguise their fear and keep you from dropping the pyramid on them, they resort to schoolyard bully tactics.
Don’t listen to the scared bullies. Listen to the power that you hold, and do what’s right for YOU. Your well-being, your family, your finances. Your upline knew the risks going in and chose to proceed anyway, so they can find out for themselves.
That last example reminds me of the “Child Motivation Program” some NSDs liked to promote. You take your child to a store and have them pick out a toy they really want. Then you tell them when you complete some Mary Kay goal (hold 10 classes in a week, book at least one class every day for two weeks, recruit 3 new team members, etc.), you will buy them that toy. The thinking is that the child will nag you and motivate you to complete that goal. 🤮
That child is going to grow up realising that adults never keep their promises.
Yep, then you can dump the blame off on the kid, who will feel like crap because they didn’t help Mommy enough. ON TOP of being crushed at not getting the promised superduperawesome toy. And anyone who’d do that to a child is a bigger hunk of snail snot than my own mother, and, trust me, that’s an insult.