Reaching the Tipping Point
Written by SuzyQ
The process of deciding to leave Mary Kay is daunting. There are so many unanswered questions, a lot of fear, guilt, anger and grief. We get into Mary Kay and Mary Kay gets into us.
At one time, the inculcation process seemed healthy and good and God was guiding our journey. For some of us, it was the first time we had ever been told we were doing what God really wanted us to do. It was powerful and so potentially destructive. To question anything in or about Mary Kay was to be avoided at all costs. We were criticized for thinking too much.
The doubts do not fade away. The small voice inside of us gets louder and harder to ignore. After a period of time, a period of reflection, of personal accountability, and ambivalence, we entertain the idea that we may have to leave Mary Kay.
During this period of questioning, nearly everyone attempts to strike a tenuous balance between following the pack and veering off the path. To do what is right as opposed to doing what is taught. Many of us start reading PinkTruth to determine what NOT to do with our units or our businesses. The cognitive dissonance we feel is overwhelming at times. When old “friends” are sought out for support, we are criticized and shamed backed into submission.
When we reach our tipping point, there is no turning back. There appear to be as many tipping points as there were reasons for us to start Mary Kay. The decision is made and the die is cast. Finding the tipping point seems to be more difficult for directors. We were quite simply immersed in the fog. We lost our identities. Our emotional and financial investment was greater. The pain and guilt runs deeper. The sense of betrayal and manipulation is gut wrenching.
It is very much like a little death, complete with the stages of grief. The biggest difference — the most important difference, is that we are finally in control. The pain is a reminder of our growth and our determination to help others behind us and beside us on the path out of the pinkness and into the light. And that, my friends, is pretty wonderful.
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“For some of us, it was the first time we had ever been [taught] we were doing what God really wanted us to do.”
“During this period of questioning, nearly everyone attempts to…do what is right as opposed to doing what is taught.”
It just so happens that God has said, “…the truth will set you free.”
The “half-truths” of Mary Kay do not qualify as “truth”. Satan introduced the concept of half-truths in the Garden of Eden. If Adam and Eve had only asked God to comment on Satan’s deceptive and misleading words, they would not have been fooled. But greed and impatience clouded their judgment and allowed them to entertain a half-truth.
Similarly, MK reps should be insisting on the whole truth about Mary Kay, and use caution to not let greed and impatience impact their discernment. Where MK refuses to provide the whole truth, Pink Truth steps in. Once the full truth of MK is known, freedom is sure to follow!
Unfortunately, there was no way to know the half truths until the internet made it possible to share information in a way that couldn’t be squelched. And even if someone tells you it’s a lie, you won’t believe it until you cross some personal event horizon.
People going into it on their own, who aren’t being hustled into making a snap decision, can hang onto their skepticism and ask the right questions. The problem is that MK knows this and get around it by selecting their victims carefully and overloading their senses without giving them a chance to think.
When you’ve been denied it, suddenly getting the validation and approbation you’ve been missing is a powerful drug. And what the brain wants, it will get no matter how it has to rationalize and justify and twist reality to get it. It’s also incredibly risk averse, so as long as it gets its “hit” once in a while it will do the equivalent of LALALA I CAN’T HEAR YOU!
The similarities to toxic relationships (including friendships, and sucky jobs) and addiction keep popping up here. And like those situations, the brain has to be jolted out of its complacency and be motivated to do the darn near impossible, when brains are lazy, cowardly organs.
That’s why it’s so hard to escape those situations, and what makes it so maddening to watch from the outside.
Well said. The serpent ginned up the appeal of the forbidden fruit, similar to MK’s appeal to the unmet desire for “validation and approbation” in today’s MK recruit. But recruits are pressured to act before taking time for discernment. They are introduced to a seductive solution to a deep unmet need…with an urgent deadline! Clearly, this is literally the oldest trick in the book.
Any sales pitch that includes phrases like, “Act now”, or “don’t miss out”, “get in on the ground floor” are trying to overrule one’s discernment with FOMO. Clearly, everything that Mary Kay has to offer will still be waiting tomorrow, next week, next month and even next year…you are not missing out on anything. By waiting you are giving yourself time for discernment. Any promoter who does not accept this delay is not looking out for your but for themselves.
Everyone feeling pressure in a sales negotiation should be asking who benefits most from the urgency to act right away. In the case of MLMs like MK, it is never in the recruit’s best interest to act quickly.
@Popinki, your reference to a “personal event horizon” is delicious. The point of no return. I love it!! 😻
There is grieving involved. When you are closing a chapter of your life, there is grief. I escaped an abusive marriage in the summer of 2022. I left my hometown with my two teenagers and we moved to another city in the same state to ensure our safety. I was sure to take a lot of my inventory with me, so I’d “have a way to make money,” when we landed. I was wise enough to also get a “real job” upon landing here; actually, I got two Real Jobs. For some reason, I just couldn’t throw my heart into the MK anymore. I continued to tinker around with MK. I just couldn’t bring myself to broadcast me as an Independent Beauty Consultant here in my new location. It felt phony. I felt so shattered.
My recruiter debuted as a new SD in January 2023, big thanks to my enormous team. She had been a director before but “stepped down” when things in her world exploded (2014 or so). I wasn’t hating on MK at that point, but I didn’t want to do it anymore. I started the process to send back thousands of dollars in product at that point. They were all at Leadership and I got an absurd amount of phone calls “begging” me to reconsider and stay in, you can imagine.
Long story short, I had everything boxed up and sorted and ready to ship back. I just couldn’t do it. Not because of any guilt trip or love for the company. It just didn’t feel right. I was still holding on to some fragment of Bee-Lief. I could be like all those other ladies who had left abusive marriages and then they became “successful” MK ladies.
What I grieve most is the lost time with my family & children, and the absolute brainwashing I put myself through to maintain the deception in my own head. It teeters between sorrow and rage. I understand that is part of the grieving process as well.
“What I grieve most is the lost time with my family & children…”
I can’t tell you how much this resonates with me. If I could only have that time back. It is one of my greatest regrets. God first, family second, career third does not exist in Mary Kay.
@SpunSilk, I do also recognize that I was using MK as some kind of a crutch to prop up something in me that hadn’t healed. If I hadn’t been obsessing over MK, I probably would have had some kind of much more dangerous addiction to feed, so perhaps it was good it was lipstick & foundation and not drugs or booze or 🤷🏼♀️ but that’s my story, not everyone else’s.
Isn’t it ironic that MK appeals to the basest of human emotions, all while touting a closeness to Christ? There’s a term here, oh yeah = “Anti…”
It is my understanding that there is a special category of judgement reserved for people who do evil in God’s name.
NSD Dawn Otten-Sweeney is running a Bible study “for directors only.” The peons are responding with, “More motivation to become a director!” Woo hoo.
I’ve listened to her. She is no Bible teacher or scholar. Verses about leadership, obedience, vision, listening to God, etc., always seem to have a subtle (or not so subtle) connection to Mary Kay.
Be discerning.
Ugh, I found this so off-putting when I was in. I remember sitting in the arena at Seminar and someone onstage was talking about obedience, doing God’s will, and serving others, and “ministry” all while touting earning a Cadillac, and making $$$$, and somehow she was in danger of disappointing God if she didn’t meet her goal of earning a Cadillac. I just kept thinking “didn’t Jesus talk about feeding the hungry, and healing the sick, and taking care of the poor, and humility; not driving Cadillacs and selling expensive make-up?”* There’s nothing wrong with selling make-up outside of the MLM structure, but to equate it to a ministry or that God will be disappointed if you don’t buy enough product to qualify for the Caddy just rubbed me the wrong way.
*This was back when I thought MK was about selling make-up. Now I know it’s all about recruiting.
I know what you mean. There is a such a huge contradiction. In order to recruit, the MKbots are told to show an affluent lifestyle – luxury house or condo, rich lifestyle of fine dining or at least eating out at expensive restaurants, having coffees at renowned cafes and hi-tea, going on vacations…all the while touting God’s verses which are against materialism, narcissism, manipulation,.deceit and lies.
What is worse, as I have shared in the comments under recent post, taking advantage of religious virtues to increase personal sale and make production in the guise of charity drive.
Utterly disgusting! Isn’t the world already wrecked and torn apart by religious claims and now to be shredded by selfish personal gains for mere trinkets and titles which hold significance only in a fantasy land.
“For some of us, it was the first time we had ever been told we were doing what God really wanted us to do.”—
One of my favorite quotes: “I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do, because I notice it always coincides with their own desires.”—Susan B. Anthony
Their desire can be for money, power, and/or control….over an individual, group, or nation.
There is always a tipping point, which might be the event horizon Popinki mentioned. Something happens to us, or something is said to us. And we can no longer ignore it.
My tipping point was a massive blow-up with my senior. She tried to question my integrity and didn’t like it when I told her, “Pot, meet kettle.” She kept trying to bring God and religion into the argument, that I needed to pray about things and bring things to God. *gag* I had to let things simmer down and deal with the emotions for several months before I sent her a handwritten letter stating she was never to contact me again. I thanked her for the Christmas present (which was cheap — maybe a $1 from Oriental Trading CO. — and promptly dropped it in the trash) and told her I was done with this. I was done with the fakery, the time away from my family, and completely done with the pressure from her and the upline. At least she respected my wishes and has not reached out or contacted me since.
My inner petty b*tch wants to send her an announcement when I graduate with. my doctorate. TBD.
Heather, for the love of all that’s good and right, do not minimize your DOCTORATE ACQUISITION into the realm of pettiness!! Send her the announcement because it demonstrates what perseverance, hard work, dedication, devotion, goal setting and foresight ACCOMPLISH. And you would not have received this amazing achievement had you directed your energies towards mk. You didn’t say what your subject matter is but a doctorate usually isn’t focused on trivialities, so please share your graduation with her so she can see what a real, genuine achievement is that is going to serve a higher purpose in this world. If you have a petty little happy dance going on, well, then ENJOY IT lololol. YOU HAVE EARNED IT AND DESERVE IT. Congratulations regardless!!!!
I am Julia Sugarbaker petty when it comes to a variety of things. =)
My doctorate is a doctor of nursing practice with a nurse executive track. I’ll be done in about 20 months since I’m in school part-time.