This story was submitted by a newer reader. Her story is the story of most of the directors. They make little to no money when you figure in all they spend on products, car co-pays, business expenses, and appearing to live #mymklife. She finally quit and feels free because of it.

I’ve been lurking for awhile. About 5 weeks ago, I started devouring everything on this site. So angry, but not really surprised that I felt like most things could have been written by me. 3 weeks ago, I emailed head office, “stepped down” from Directorship and turned in my car. Since then its been a painful process of stripping away the polished and practiced “little white lies” and realizing what I’d truly become and done in my quest for success. I never set out to become this.. especially when I truly believed I could “change the world one face at a time” and enjoy the flexibility of making money while being home with my girls.

This is my journey out of the fog and it stings.

I signed into Mary Kay 6 years ago. Back then my director seemed like a nice woman. She’s not for the record. I just sold the product part time and I met my to this day best friend. She’s the best thing that came out of MK for me. I did nothing my first year, I starred a few quarters and actually made some profits. The only time in my illustrious career that I would really do so. And then… I went to seminar and stepped into the fog.

It was shiny and sparkly and women wore ball gowns and got diamonds and life was wonderful…. I earned nothing, but wanted nothing more than to be celebrated and recognized. To be on the same level as all these women. I mean that’s part of Mary Kay’s brilliance isn’t it? Most of us are moms or students or wives, who take care of others and never get celebrated, flattered and fawned over that way. I bought it. Hook line and sinker. I would look back on that, and realize how perfectly brilliant it is. Nothing like a subtle shaming to make women feel like they’ll move heaven and earth to have it be different next year.

I went home, went into DIQ, became a director, double starred at seminar and that my friends.. .was the beginning of the end. We debuted 8 area directors and my senior was Queen of Unit sales. (She has been an insufferable diva ever since). In her speech… she never once thanked her offspring. All 8 of us, whose DIQ production and offspring credit got her into that throne.

After that seminar…. the bloom came off the rose. I realized that DIQ is never over. It’s a horrible hamster wheel that never ends. Of stalking women for new leads, facial boxes and lying about “winning” something. It never felt right… but trust your senior. After all she’s a top director. Just listen to her and you’ll go far. But now that I can see clearly, i can recognize that my senior director was the master manipulator. She knew where my weak spots were and exactly how to push on them. She is the epitome of a narcissist and lucky for her never has to accept responsibility for what she’s done, what she’s taught and the lies she continues to knowingly offer to women on a silver platter.

That seminar year we debuted 8 directors into her “national area” not including the DIQs that failed. The cheating. She pushed DIQs through, ordering and recruiting for them just so she could show up at seminar as an elite.

If I went to her with concerns… she flipped it around. Made it about my own insecurities, how I never feel enough and on and on. She planted these ideas of guilt and shame and made herself seem like she was the only one who could save you. She bred the dependence and wouldn’t let her offsprings separate… for the good of the national area. That’s the year I started taking my anti depressants. Behind the scenes, she talked about all of us, pitted us against each other. 1 by 1 and a string of failed DIQs later…she lost 6 of those directors over the span of a year. I….am #7. Fitting isn’t it. Come in a number, go out a number.

Every single one of those directors left with massive debt and a basement full of inventory. I am no different.

I look back and am so embarrassed and ashamed of how badly I got snowed. 8 Mary Kay trips. 4 seminars, 3 leaderships and new director training. We couldn’t afford it but I “couldn’t afford not to go” But sell and pay for it with your profits my nsd and senior director said. Of course, ignoring the very problem that THERE WERE NO PROFITS!! Month after month of rolling my personal sales profits to keep the unit alive, figuring out my break even point where the commission I would make could pay for what I had to put in, just ordering extra because “you can sell it next month”

I remember one day, double up was ending and I hadn’t maxed out. My senior called and said “just order it in mascaras, they’ll sell!” Thank God i said no, because the last thing I need is more products. To this day she says she doesn’t know where this mentality of rolling profits started. ?

In the end I put in over $18,000 just on trips alone. Not even taking into consideration inventory, unit prizes, shit I didn’t need and the other month end purchases.

Finally, I burnt myself out. The hamster wheel was killing me. I actually couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel after 3 years of month ends, stress and constant worrying. And the guilt… MK was always on my mind. I took a weekend off where I did no MK, didn’t even think about it. Celebrated my friends birthday and spent time with my family. It was my best weekend in a long time.

So I took another week off. It felt like I could breathe. Like I was happy. My husband commented on it. Then, I came here. And it was all true, everything I read. The stages of MK denial, the seminar cycle, the lies and manipulations and that it is virtually impossible to get to the top without selling your soul. I stopped and looked around at the chaos I’d caused my family. I was never home. My husband was so stressed about money, my kids were stressed because I was stressed.

I felt like a failure and a fraud. This was never what I wanted. Ever. And I certainly didn’t want to give away my job to anyone. I looked around at the directors I know. So many stepping down, so many in debt. The idea that I may have caused my consultants even a fraction of what I’ve experienced haunts me. For the first time in my MK years, I’m grateful I didn’t have the “skills” of bringing in people with inventory, promoting them or pushing hard enough for orders.

So… I have collected what was left of my soul and my bank account and I became the quitter they all talk about. The one who will never make a difference in the world and will feel nothing but shame. My senior… well she said “I always wanted a big unit, I guess this is how I’ll get it” and reminded me consistently to call head office right away.

My best friend has supported me every step and my family..well we haven’t been this happy in a long time. I work at a liquor store now. Its not prestigious or glamorous, but its solid work that I feel good about and most importantly… get a paycheck from.