Is There Any Help For My Friend?
A concerned friend of a Mary Kay consultant requests advice from the Pink Truth community:
A former close friend of mine is a relatively new MK clone. This was after having tried other MLM schemes that crashed and burned. I found Pink Truth while looking for answers about the addictive quality of MLM, quality of the products they push, and what seems to be the victimization of women by women (i.e. I believe only a small percentage of men could be counted upon to say, “Hey, Joe, why don’t you and the guys come to my house, have a couple beers, and listen to me drone on about overpriced XXX and how YOU can be part of this opportunity!).
My question is, Is there any help for my friend until she is broke, alienated, and stumbles upon PT for herself? The answer seems to be No.
I’ve spent a lot of time combing your site and finding it heartbreaking. Husbands who watched their darling brides turned into Kaybots, helpless to stop the madness. Kids who see mom sweat out the MK “business” for decades only to find themselves without resources or retirement stability. And former victims of the Pink Fog, finally emerging with amazing awareness and blossoming sense of self-worth.
How do I get my friend to stop scouring my Facebook feed for “acquaintances” that she can start bugging? What do I say to her husband, who literally told me that the pink boxes that flood their home are what she seems to need “because you can’t sell from an empty wagon?” Gulp! How long can one keep smiling when she says that a “famous make up artist only uses MK because it’s the best!” (“What do you suppose that artist says at a MAC meeting?”, I wanted to ask.)
I’ve used MK in the past and didn’t find the quality any different from a hundred other brands. Is it the religion angle that makes it more attractive? How do you take someone who has never been particularly faithful and turn her into a scripture-quoting, skincare-pushing bot? I’m both alarmed and amazed by this process.
Is there anything that can be said to a smart, beautiful, funny friend to wake her from oncoming nightmare? Or do we all just watch and wait?
Visit the
OP, I am sorry to say there is nothing you can say or do that will “snap her out of it.” She has to see it for herself. You can, however, set firm but respectful boundaries around her MLMing. “I will support you as a friend in any other way, but I don’t support MLMs.” If she asks why, just say “I am not going to explain to you why this is important to me, but it is.” Don’t give an explanation, and never answer her questions. Simply restate your boundary that you don’t support MLMs like Mary Kay.
The other option, which is only appropriate for closer relationships, is to offer to help her set up and maintain an accurate ledger of her MK business. That will allow her to see the recurring losses for herself. But it sounds like your relationship may not be close enough for this option.
Remember, MLMs like MK use well known cult tactics to instill loyalty in their ranks. Your individual appeals won’t stand a chance against this finely tuned MK machine. Better to keep your distance and let her figure out for herself. Sadly, there is little you can do for folks after they get the MLM “bug”. If you are a praying person, pray for her and her family.
Having the cult of Mary Kay at home is like getting a member of your family dement ill: as (once)loved one you’ll be rarely or barely recognized, your love will turn to pity and then to pain and guilt.
All I can say positiv about Mary Kay is: it gives more chances to heal than other horrible hillnesses.
Oooooooooooooooooof. Since she’s a serial MLMer, nothing is gonna snap her out of it anytime soon. Either she’s getting something out of it that fills a need, or she’s convinced that it’s a workable business model and just needs to find that one right company that will pay off big time. Until and unless she comes to a revelation on her own, she won’t budge and won’t react well to criticism.
As Data Junkie points out, Kaybots are wizards at thought control. They convince recruits that only the others in the bubble are your true friends, and that anyone who questions or criticizes the MLM is an enemy. Honestly, your friendship is in for a rocky time and may not survive. As you’re seeing already, she’s being trained to see everyone as a potential customer or recruit and that’s going to include you. If you never want to talk about her awesome new business and won’t help her, in her mind, she’s going to think you’re a bad friend and pull away. Sweet reason, facts, and links to anti-MLM sites will just be you being negative at her.
Probably the best thing you can do is urge her husband to protect the family finances; he ought to put a freeze on his credit or at least carefully monitor it (and that of any children they have) to make sure she’s not opening lines of credit in their names. Also have checking/savings accounts in his name only so she can’t use all the household money.
I’m sorry, I wish the news was better.
I agree that you need to set boundaries without explanation. If she continues to ask why you don’t support MLMs, merely state that it’s a nunya — as in nun ya business.
She will wake up on her own one day, and that will be after hitting rock bottom’s basement. Popinki’s advice on finances and credit is sound; many MK huns open credit cards secretly so they can order more inventory and reach some “goal.” When your friend hits rock bottom’s basement, she will possibly be mired in credit card debt and overloaded with useless MK products that will end up in a landfill somewhere.
Meanwhile, you can protect your Facebook this way…
To stop someone from commenting on your Facebook post, you can
Turn off comments for the post by selecting the Who can comment on this post? option and choosing Profiles and Pages you mention1.
Block the person from commenting on all your posts by going to Account > Privacy Settings > Manage blocking > Edit list and adding their name24.
Restrict the comments to your friends and tagged people by selecting Turn Off Commenting from the post menu
I got this from Bing’s search engine. Facebook itself might have another, clearer set of directions in its Help and Support page. And then if she asks why she can’t see or comment on your posts, you can tell her that she lost that privilege by jumping in on your friends’ posts and trying to sell or recruit them.
2023
https://imgur.com/a/mary-kay-income-disclosure-2023-LFdntKd
2019
https://www.marykay.ca/en-ca/pages/earnings-representation
2020
https://www.reddit.com/media?url=https%3A%2F%2Fi.redd.it%2F7p73s2hz0bi81.jpg
These are the only figures MK puts out in North America, Canadian Income Disclosure. This is in Canadian dollars so you may have to convert to USD if you are in the States. The figures however are for commissions on purchases not sales.
Suggest that she keeps an accurate set of ledgers which track her sales, purchases and then her various bills related to her MK business like gas, wi-fi, phone et c. . Then how much of her time she spends working. Possibly seeing exactly what she is earning versus the effort might plant the seeds of doubt.
Wonder whose Cheerios I ruined to get a down-vote!
FTC REPORT on MLMS … https://www.ftc.gov/news-events/news/press-releases/2024/09/ftc-staff-issue-report-multi-level-marketing-income-disclosures
I haven’t had a chance to read it yet, but it shows the business model guarantees failure.
Tell her to knock it off
Unfortunately, people stuck in MLMs or other high control groups have to wake up on their own. I wish there was a magic formula or phrase that would snap them out of it. I really do. My best advice is to know the evidence, and if you end up in a conversation with her about it, remain calm, logical, and kind yet firm. MLMs work their way into every area of a person’s life so they’re entwined in your identity and mixed up with your emotions. That’s why people in MLMs take any criticism of the company so personally. It’s important to communicate to your friend that her value to you as a person is not connected to Mary Kay.